pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
