Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
