Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
