Whod you bang
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
