Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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