Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
