yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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