PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
