Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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