Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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