I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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