A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
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We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
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I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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