you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
