I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
