So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
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just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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