I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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