He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
this boner is exhausting
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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