We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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