"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Less talking, more tequila
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
