Sponge bath it is.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
