I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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