Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Someone came in the potted fern
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
