Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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