Do you still have your period?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
