i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
