I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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