Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
