Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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