I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
