no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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