listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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