My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
