You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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