I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
