Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
