my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
