Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
