I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
