therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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