we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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