Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
