Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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