White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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