good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
