I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Come share oat with me in your robe
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
