Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
