He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize