It's Friday. Sex?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
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There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
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THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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