He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
