i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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