its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
