How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
