I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
