I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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