So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
