i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
