i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
