I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
