he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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