He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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