It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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