Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
