Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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