at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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