I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
