I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
