dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
