she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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