I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
