After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I think i got beer on your cat.
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