she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
