dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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