As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
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i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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